Puking in a Winter Wonderland

I had one of those nights where you sleep like crap all night until about four in the morning and then you wake up in a pile of sweat. And then your Rowen comes in and asks you 45 times if you’re getting up yet. Luckily, I was then told that the cat fell in the toilet and got bleach water everywhere so I had to get up.

I walked out into the kitchen and found a big glob of jelly on the kitchen floor (the downside of Emmy getting her own breakfast). I left it. Coffee first. I got Rose her waffle, blueberries, and milk. Rowen eats cereal like Cookie Monster so I went to get the vacuum. I was vacuuming away when I heard Emmy scream like there was an intruder, seriously this child has one tone: Emergent. “Rose is choking!! Rose is choking!!!” So I drop the vacuum, get Rose out of her chair, folded her over my knee, and start wailing on her back. Until I realized she’s not choking. She barfing. Everywhere. Like that gross milk throw up, you know the worst kind, that stays in your nose all day and barely washes out of clothes. You parents know what I’m talking about. I’m not super great under pressure. I can’t decide what to do with her…just let her puke all in one spot…carry her to the sink so she can puke in there…carry her to the tub and let her puke in there? I tried all three, famous idea, and ended up with barf everywhere, including on myself, and wound up in the tub.

Wonder of all wonders, Matt was actually home for this one (I swear, the Daddies are always at work for the good stuff i.e. like when Brendan shit his sleeping bag in his sleep when I had morning sickness and when Rowen barfed allllllll over in the middle of the night when Rose was a newborn and Matt was working nights. So at least I could wake him up for reinforcement. And thankfully it was a late start today. Been spending the morning staring at her, waiting for more signs of puke.

Has sickness changed? I remember when you had the stomach flu, you’d barf every hour for like 12 hours, not really have much of an appetite for a day or two and then be better. Now kids just barf once and are fine. Or they barf, run around and act totally normal until you think they are fine and try to leave the house and then they surprise barf in your car. Same with colds…remember the old colds? Sore throat that turns into congestion for two days that turns into a cough for two days and bam, cold’s over. Now colds morph into these weird viruses, they want to do blood work and make sure you don’t have something hospital worthy. It’s exhausting, really.

Anyways, no more puke yet.

I keep thinking, what a way to start off a Monday, but it’s Wednesday. I’m all off schedule since we’ve had snow days and this is the first day the kids are back to school. I was so excited to have a little routine today and send the kids to school until I realized that Rowen isn’t going with them. I asked Matt if he thought the school might take him on a random Wednesday, mid-year, but he said probably not. Rats. Rowen is the sweetest but sometimes I don’t know what to do with him. As of yesterday, him and I have both been punished with him losing his tablet until my birthday, which is April 14th. He has also lost TV until tomorrow. He keeps whispering to me (so Matt can’t hear) if he can talk to me in my room, where he asks me (very seriously) if he can just watch ONE Mickey. I’ve been entertaining his secret chats because if Matt hears, Rowen’s going lose TV for longer and what the hell did I do to deserve that? Matt’s going back to work; I’m not. I’m coming off of a slew of days that generally went like this:

Just a some notes I took during the Snowpocalypse in our area the last week:

-My kids are going to kill each other. I’m not sure who is gonna go first. One of them because the other one is looking at them or me from Ear Death. Too many 45 syllable long dying-parrot-whines.

-I’m out of wine. I went to the store with all the other snow week preppers and made sure everybody had tons of milk and bread and waffles. But I forgot wine. When the second storm hit, I’m glad I stocked up because Safeway was out of milk and most of the bread.

-While making sure everyone had breakfast things, I guess I forgot about all the other meals so I’ve had turkey chili for dinner on Friday night, lunch and dinner on Saturday, and lunch today. I feel sick. And it smells in here. Emmy keeps telling me it smells like when I was pregnant with Rose.

-I spend 15 minutes bundling up the kids to go outside and the five minutes later Rowen has to poop. Three days in a row. Finally, I just told him no and his poop oddly went into remission. This could have gone so terribly for me…thank you Jesus, that it didn’t.

-I was so bored I decided to shower, wash my hair, put on full, make up, curl my hair, and put on my new jewelry to do nothing.

-Emmy is strangely terrified that the snow storm is going to make us lose power so she jolted awake a handful of times last night yelling, “is the power out?!”

Now I’m sitting here, with three days of dirty hair. And girls, it’s not that cute dirty hair loaded up with smell-good dry shampoo. It’s three days of the same messy bun and when I turn my head it smells like puppies that just came in from outside. Which I should get used to ‘cause I want a Golden Retriever real bad.

Gonna go do some more bleaching now. Happy Hump Day!


2 thoughts on “Puking in a Winter Wonderland

    1. I’m so glad Matt was home for this one!!!! And I do NOT deal with puke well!!! It makes me freeze up until it’s too late!!

      Can’t wait to get back to a normal routine around here too 🤞🏻


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