Wal Mart

Let me just start by saying that I absolutely hate the Sunnyside Walmart. So much. It’s dirty, never stocked, and just has a strange clientele. I hated it before I went today and I still hate it now.

I knew I needed to go grocery shopping soon, so after picking the kids up from school today (yes a Friday…worst day ever to shop) I thought, hey, lets go and get this done. I dropped Brendan off at home with a phone (he’s 10 now) and headed to Walmart to go big shopping without a list and with three kids, two of which were still in pajamas. I never shop without a list, but I figured I could wing it. I also never go to Walmart either, but I needed stuff like cat food, hangers, and a birthday present for Emmy’s friend, so sadly, it made more sense than Safeway.

The whole way there I had to listen to Rowen whine about how-come-Brendan-gets-to-stay-home and why-do-we-need-more-food-wahhhhh. I was like, really? The kid who wants to bored graze all day long wants to know why we need more food? Cause you ate all of it, duh. And Emmy is soooooo starvinggg she doesn’t think she’ll be able to even walk at alllll in the storeee. Finally, I lost it and yelled to them that trust me, no one doesn’t want to go to Walmart more than me!!!

So, we get there and I realize my wallet isn’t in the car. Fantastic. So I drive to Matt’s work to borrow his debit card, which is probably, with Yakima Valley Highway traffic, two minutes faster than driving all the way home and back.

We get in the store and I feel awful. You know how when you’re one day past the worst day of your cold and you have this new lease on life and think you can take on the world since you don’t feel like you’re dying anymore? But then you get into a Sunnyside Walmart and you’re sweating and have that horrible throat tickle that won’t go away and you’re nose is running again all of a sudden but you don’t have a tissue so you have to use your sleeve while pretending not to use your sleeve or it will run down your face, but then your five year old blasts from the rooftops, oh gross, why are you wiping your boogers on your shirt and your 7 year old says, you’re supposed to use a tissue, that’s what you tell us. Yeah, well that was me, and I should have given it another day on the couch. On the couch? Hahaha I mean folding laundry and wiping butts in my bathrobe with Kleenex within an arms reach all day.

So, out of desperation I headed straight for the deli to those popcorn chicken cups that gross me out terribly and that I’m pretty sure everyone steals anyways. So now Rowen and Emmy are fighting over that while Rose is choking on a piece of it since someone gave her a whole one, all while I’m quiet-mom -clenched-teeth-yelling to share and wipe their hands off with wet wipes and to not lose the container or someone will arrest us for stealing them. (Thankfully, my husband was on duty at the time. Phew. A real piece of good luck).

Finally, we’re done. We’ve come up with six spur of the moment dinners with, I’m hoping, most of their ingredients. We find the shortest line, thankfully with only 147 people in it, and a check writer. Rose decides she’s just absolutely had it with this shit hole and will not sit even one more second in the cart seat. So, I did something else I have NEVER done. I opened up a container of those Gerber teething wheel things and gave some to Rose before paying for them. What have I become?

Finally, it’s my turn!! I load up all of my $178 dollars’ worth of stuff (this takes way longer in real life than it looks in writing) and go to pay. I punch in my pin for my debit card and it’s declined. Ultimate sweating now. It takes me a whole other round of sweating to remember that I’m using Matt’s debit card because my wallet was brought into the house. Oops wrong PIN number.

Then we head out to the car. I’m trying to push a full cart that wants to veer right with one hand and two helpers while I carry rose, who has rejected the cart all together now. I get everyone loaded up and ask Emmy to get some hand sanitizer for her and Rowen while I loadup the trunk.

Oops, sorry Mama, I spilled your coffee (which I’m now realizing I’ve forgotten about completely, as I’m writing this, ugh) comes this sweet Emmy voice. I’m thinking, coffee? I don’t have any coffee in here today? Ah. But you can bet your ass I left coffee in the car from Starbucks on Monday night after ballet. Four nights ago. Yum.

Anyways, after everyone is in bed I’m breaking out the $50 bottle of wine a sweet friend gave me that I was saving for a special occasion, taking some NyQuil, and starting over tomorrow.

The days are long, but the years are short. Right?

img_8152The days are long, but the years are short. Right?

6 thoughts on “Wal Mart

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